I've been sitting outside on my porch for over two hours now trying to write this blog post. I've watched it go from dusk to darkness, been attacked by mosquitoes, and consumed a glass of Riesling with a chocolate cupcake on the side (a treat from my wonderful roommate and her boyfriend). Instead of the ol' 'write a draft on a piece of loose leaf, crumble it up, and attempt to throw it in the trash', I've started writing several posts that were not speaking to me...and hence concluded they wouldn't speak to you. And so I decided that I really just want to lay out there what my prayer has been about recently, knowing full well that it is a bit different than how I usually write.
The show Jersey Shore, oddly enough, is really what started me thinking. I watched it for the first time last week with some of my friends and admit that as I started to watch it, I found myself laughing at the absurdity of their lives and the things that they did. But as I continued, I felt within me a hint of guilt and a restlessness that has not subsided. As I sat watching these young people spend their nights in bars getting wasted, put so much energy into what they looked like, and throw themselves into promiscuous relationships, I found myself filled not with feelings of judgment (though I'm sure that I just sounded as if I was), but with feelings of pain for our world.
The reality is that this silly MTV show provides great insight into the state of our world. What I mean by that is that it vividly portrays a people in desperate need of something more. As I look at them, I am convinced that all of these absurd actions that we witness are all their attempts at love. And if we were to really examine our own lives, how many of us would see how similar we are to them? How many of our own actions and words and relationships are essentially our way of crying out "Someone show me meaning. Someone offer me fulfillment. SOMEONE PLEASE LOVE ME."?
I don't know what's going on in your life. I don't know what relationships you are in, what friends you surround yourself with, what you see when you look in the mirror, or what you've placed in your life as the most important things. For me, as I look at my own life, I am utterly humbled as I recognize that almost every one of my actions JUST TODAY reflect my ardent, and sometimes prideful, desire to be loved and appreciated by others. I know that the way that I carry myself and the things that I do are often done out of the desire to fit in or to be perceived as 'normal'. And I know that so many of my actions are my own failed attempts at finding fulfillment in things that were never meant to do so.
But I also know (in my head, but unfortunately not always in my heart) these truths: that we will never be completely satisfied until we rest in the one who fashioned our souls and yearns for their fulfillment. Our lives are always going to be full of longing, worry, discontent, and stress if we are not daily seeking a deeper relationship with him. Our relationships will always be lacking something until they are grounded in him. Our pursuit of love will always come up short until we actively allow ourselves to be loved by the one who created us and who died to be in relationship with us. And our hearts will always be restless until they rest in him.
I've recently become obsessed with a song entitled "Lament" by Robbie Seay Band. In it, Robbie sings his lament over the pain that he has seen and experienced in the world. And my favorite line is when he so beautifully cries out "Rescue us from all we've done". And maybe that's what we need to pray tonight. Rescue us, Lord, from the lives that we've created for ourselves because we know that we could be more fulfilled and more at peace if you were in control. Rescue us, Lord, because we keep looking for love in the things of this world and keep coming up empty. Rescue us, Lord, from thinking that you cannot conquer the pain that we are experiencing. Rescue us, Lord, for we know that you greatly desire to do so.
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