I was born with only one kidney. My closet is color-coordinated. As a kid, I used to drink spoonfuls of soy sauce. Sometimes when I'm in my car by myself, I really like listening to "Teach Me How to Dougie". I've never had cheesecake and have made it a rule that I WILL never have it. These are all aspects of who I am. These are things that make up the person of Megan Thompson. But they are things that I rarely admit to or claim as important parts of my being. In fact, the majority of people I meet and even people I've known for a long time do not know these things about me. In relationships with others, I think we have the tendency to show people the 'more important' or more relevant aspects of ourselves. When we go into interviews, we only show our polished, accomplished selves. With our friends, that part of self fades as the more laid back version of ourselves comes forth. We change our persona and compartmentalize our whole self depending on who we're with, the situation we're in, and the perception of those we are around.
I think that we are so accustomed to doing this with other people that we end up doing this in our relationship with the Lord. We assume that God is only concerned with how focused we are at Mass, the depth of the spiritual books we are reading, the number of times we go to Confession in a year, and how long a time we spend in prayer each day. Because we rarely show others the small, seemingly insignificant parts of who we are, we assume that this is the stance we should take in relationship with God. We assume that we should bring to God only that which seems 'relevant'. But the beautiful thing about the all-consuming love of the Father is that nothing is irrelevant; nothing is insignificant; nothing is beyond his interest.
Fr. Luigi Giussani once wrote that "We must commit ourselves to our whole life. This includes everything--love, study, politics, money, even food and rest, excluding nothing, neither friendship, nor hope, nor pardon, nor anger, nor patience. Within every single gesture lies a step towards our own destiny." And I think this is the mentality that we must have in our relationship with God. We must commit to bringing him our whole life. And we must do so with the belief that this total self-offering is what God desires most. The anointed words in Matthew 10:30 that say "Even the hairs of your head are counted" confirm this belief and express a reality of our God--that he is a God of details who loves even the mundane. He who created us in detail and specificity wants to be involved in the entirety of who we are. He wants all of us. He is interested in every part of us. And even more, he desires to perfect and sanctify every aspect of our being.
So what does this mean for us? How does this change our prayer and our perspective? I think this means that we must humbly look at the offering of self that we bring to the Lord. Do we only bring the "Church version" of ourselves, or do we come to him seeking grace for every part of our day? In truth, God is interested in why we change our clothes five times in the morning because he wants us to examine why we still don't see ourselves as he does. God is interested in that feeling of annoyance we had during a staff meeting because he wants to infuse within us his gift of patience. God is interested in knowing the struggles we have with a certain teacher, co-worker, or family member because he is interested in perfecting our response to those people. God is even interested in knowing about the enjoyment we have found in certain music because he wants us to delight in the specificity with which he made us.
God wants us all--without reservation, but with total abandonment and total gift of self. But are we ready to give him that? Are we ready to offer him a more holistic version of ourselves? Are we ready for our relationship with God to be a part of every aspect of our lives? Let us pray today for the grace to offer the Lord more of ourselves. And in humility, let us allow him to mold us into saints by his sanctifying work in the mundane and seemingly inconsequential parts of our day. Thank you, Lord, for desiring us in totality.
No comments:
Post a Comment