One of my favorite stories to tell is one that I can only remember because of my mom's hilarious re-telling of it. When I was three, my mom took my two older brothers and me to COSI, a science museum in Columbus. Of all the exhibits in the building, the one I loved most was a water play area that featured water cannons, fountains, a glass panel on which you made pictures with foam blocks, and more. Words just don't do justice to how enchanting this was to my three-year-old self. I loved it. I was mesmerized by it. I wanted to stay in that room the whole day. As the story goes, my mom left me playing in this section for about thirty seconds while she went to go check on my brothers in a different room. And in that short time, completely intrigued by the water and finding just looking at it to be insufficient, I stripped off all my clothes and was standing IN THE FOUNTAIN when my mom returned.
For the hundreds of times I've told this story, I've never fully realized the beauty of it. I wonder if my three-year-old self knew that what I was doing was completely radical. I wonder if I recognized that what I was about to do was against social norms and would probably be to the embarrassment of my mother. I probably didn't, but truthfully, I was so intrigued and so consumed with a desire to bask in that water that I might not have cared even if I understood what I was doing. I just had to get in and frankly, I didn't care if I was the only one.
As of late, a line from the old Christian hymn, "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus", keeps ringing through my head and has been the source of so many meditations for me. "Though none go with me, still I will follow. Though none go with me, still I will follow." And as I replay that line over and over in my head, it's not so much a declaration, but a question for me. I stand in the place of Job, basking in good fortune and abundant blessing, to whom Satan says, "Put forth your hand and touch anything that he has and surely he will blaspheme you to your face" (Job 1:11). And the question that circulates in my brain and causes my heart to pulsate in wonder is WOULD I STILL FOLLOW?
If for some reason I was removed from my community of friends who constantly call me to holiness, would I seek the Lord with such fervor? If I was taken out of ministry where I so visibly see the Lord's hand at work, would I still be convinced of his presence? If my prayer life was perpetually filled with spiritual dryness, would I still want to pursue Jesus? If I didn't open my closet to an overwhelming amount of clothes, have the option of countless things to eat, and have money to spend on frivolous things, would I still trust that his provision was sufficient? If my life became flooded with words like cancer, poverty, war, or rejection, would I still believe that he was good? If nothing or no one went with me, would I really still follow?
And I think answering that question requires me to answer a deeper seated question: how intimate is my relationship with Jesus Christ? Is he the one who holds my gaze and captures my attention? Is he such a treasure that I would sell everything to obtain more of him (Matthew 13:44-46)? Does my love for him sink into the abyss of my heart, where the deepest yearnings exist? Do I want him so badly that I would endure "the loss of all things" (Philippians 3:8) so as to gain more of him? Am I entranced enough, obsessed enough, consumed enough with Jesus that I would stand in his fountain of grace, uninhibited and ALONE, leaving all false loves aside for him?
The answer I come up with is I DON'T KNOW. And I suspect I'm not the only one. So how do we become so enraptured with the Lord that we would forego all else to seek him? For this answer, we look to the lives of the Saints, lives marked with the same kind of inhibition that I displayed as a three-year-old. They, however, were not entranced by superficial things, but were completely fixated on the Lord Jesus and pursued him with intensity in the Sacraments and in prayer. With tunnel vision, they broke free from the ensnaring grip of worldliness and consumption and self-centeredness to instead focus on pursuing "whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious" (Philippians 4:8). Their aim was solely directed at Jesus for they had come to know him as "the fountain of living waters", the source of all their joy, peace, and love. And with that mindset, they were able to run fervently the race towards him, even if it meant that they ran it alone. Despite people thinking they were crazy, despite having to detach from the things of this world, despite sacrificing relationships, despite standing ALONE, they still followed--because they intimately knew the one leading them.
May it be the same with us. Jesus, standing at your throne (Hebrews 4:16), we are awed by the grace that you so lavishly pour out. We ask that by this abundance of grace, you might give us vision solely for you. By the help of your grace, may we be so entranced by your love that nothing or no LACK of thing can pry us away from you. As we stand and recognize that "with you is the fountain of life and in your light, we see light" (Psalm 36:10), may we pledge with sincerity and passion "though none go with me, still I will follow."
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