The Restoration He Desires for Us

Today, my mom told me that my nephew had been sick the past few days, so I called my brother, Greg, to get the scoop and see how he was doing. Greg told me that Will started to get sick two days ago and was running a fever, had a runny nose, and was pretty lethargic. As he told me about the past two days, Greg kept repeating a simple phrase about my nephew: "he just wanted to be held". With his physical ailments, he wanted the embrace of his parents. And even at age 24, I get this. Thankfully for my parents, I'm beyond wanting them to hold me. But even now, when I'm sick, there is something within me that seeks to be cared for by them. And though I've attempted independence and often seek to be 'old enough to take care of myself', I usually end up packing my things and going to rest at their house. I desire their affection; I seek their knowledge on how to remedy my illness; I yearn to rest at their house and not have to take care of myself.

This past weekend, I attended a retreat for Youth Ministers at Franciscan University at Steubenville. My expectation going into the retreat was that it was going to be a good weekend to get away. But I had no idea the expectation the Lord had for me. The very first thing that was said at the retreat was this: "The ministry we do is the outward expression of the way God loves us. We are loved and this is the fuel for our ministry". And frankly, I didn't realize how low my fuel was and how much my soul was yearning for his love. I was spiritually lethargic, crippled by the ailments of my sin, and didn't realize how much I desired his affection, was seeking his mercy, and yearned to rest in his presence and not have to take care of myself. But I had been so busy being independent that I didn't recognize my need for these things.

I think we sometimes get so caught up in saying the right things, praying the right way, and trying to grow in holiness that we forget what faith really is--a relationship. We think that our faith is more about the things we do FOR God or the ways we should become more LIKE God. And in this, we often neglect our need to be loved, healed, and nourished BY God. We forget that our soul's longing is to be held in the loving embrace of the Father and in our independence, we find ourselves spiritually sick, lethargic in faith, and needing healing and replenishment.

Though we might think so, God doesn't see our need for healing and replenishment as a sign of weakness or failure. And God doesn't look at our spiritual illnesses and run. When we come to him, weak and in need of healing, he looks at us and says, "Finally, you've come to me. Finally, you stopped trying to care for yourself". And it's in the loving embrace of the Father that we find the healing we desire. It's in his arms that we find the affection our souls are yearning for. We can't heal our own wounds. We can't provide the nourishment that our souls need. We cannot remedy the wounds of sin. Our spiritual restoration and growth in faith can only come when we give up independence and run back to the Father, the source of all healing.

The truth is that God loves that we have the desire to serve him and grow in holiness and virtue; but even more that these things, he loves to love us. He desperately wants to heal and restore each one of us with the fuel of that love. And so today, maybe what the Lord truly wants is for us to stop squirming from him and seek his embrace. And perhaps what the Father truly desires is for us to place ourselves in his presence and just be--be healed, be restored, be replenished, BE LOVED. Lead us back to you, O Lord, that we may be restored (Lamentations 5:21).